Relationships can be a very fulfilling experience. But also a relationship can be the biggest source of trouble and unhappiness.
It can bring you very high or it can bring you down.
The most important factor in a relationship in order to make it or break it is to a big extent the level of awareness.
When both partners are conscious and open to learn, to grow, to be vulnerable and gift each other the experience of joy and oneness it can be a deeply transformative experience.
But when the partners are not so conscious of themselves and project their dramas, childhood pains and unresolved inner conflicts … then it can be a big mess.
We all want that fairy tale relationship where they’ve lived happily ever after … and the birds are singing and the flowers blooming and life is a dream. But how often are our relationships like from a Disney scene?
And can it really work like this or is it just an utopian fantasy that we should let go of?
The truth is that in order to have a conscious and beautiful relationship you must first be a conscious partner yourself. If you are not, then you will find partners who will also not be so conscious and aware and you might end up making each other’s lives a real hell.
Your perfect relationship shouldn’t start when you meet your prince charming but much, much before that.
So how to be a conscious partner?
Let me tell you, becoming a conscious partner rarely happens over night. It is a dedication. And a dedication not to someone else, but first of all to your own self. You cannot be anyone’s perfect partner before you become your own dream mate.
Working on yourself and understanding yourself better is a process that never ends. Simply because you are so vast and wonderful that you can never get to the end of yourself. But in order to know that you should first crush the surface of the old and negative ideas you have of who you are.
You see, we all have that infinite pool of love inside of us but we often don’t see it because it is covered up with a little crust. And that crust is made of our old stories, old relationships, childhood memories, unresolved feelings, projections and dreams, negative conditionings and believes … and all sorts of nonsense basically.
In order to live a happy life and ultimately build a gorgeous relationship we need to crush that layer of … all that rubbish.
If we don’t, our relationships will always remain shallow and unfulfilling. We will not be able to experience that deep love in which everything disappears. We will more likely be going in a circle of old patterns and believes and we will be repeating them time and again … until … we give up on love.
So to be a conscious partner, that partner that everyone is dreaming of and desperately looking for … you need to first have a deeper look at yourself. Have a look at all that stops you from experiencing the love, the love that you have.
Love is not experienced only when there is someone to love you. A conscious partner knows the love that is within themselves and finds joy in sharing it with someone else.
A conscious partner is first in love with him/herself and then they can show their love to another.
If you are not madly in love with yourself and that deep inner infinite being you are … the chances are you will not be in love for long time with anyone else.
Often our so called being in love with someone is to the extent that they satisfy our fantasies about them. When they behave the way we want them we love them, but when they show another side we don’t really agree with, then that love turns into … frustration, criticism and maybe ultimately hate.
When you really love someone you don’t love them for as long as they behave the way you want. You love them unconditionally. But to love unconditionally you must really first discover and love yourself.
You see, often we try to close our eyes to the sides in us we don’t like. And like this we push them all in our unconscious. Then we accept only the sides we like … and the rest we try to forget, as if it never existed.
So, when we don’t accept ourself in our totality then we can’t really accept anyone else, can we?
And often the partner we find will show this side in us that we have tried to forget.
Let me tell it again. Often our partner will express in their behavior those sides of us that we have tried to mask, erase and completely throw away. But guess what? They are there.
And what happens is that when we see them in someone else we start to criticize and reject that person just the way we reject ourselves.
In this way it is really not easy to have a happy relationship. Because the problem is not in someone else but really in us.
Being a conscious partner means being aware of yourself and accepting every part of your being.
Knowing the mechanism of your mind, your feelings, your conditioning, desires and expectations.
It is about not projecting your unconscious on the other but being aware that you are the source of everything. And when you are more aware and intelligent you naturally focus more on giving, sharing and inspiring not so much on exploiting, blaming and expecting.
It is very important to start looking within and start to understand yourself. The more you are aware of yourself the more you enjoy life and the more your inner light shines and illumines the lives of those around you.
Bringing a meditative quality to everything you do can be a great transformation for every aspect of your life.
So my best tip to you if you want that fulfilling, amazing, loving, joyful and deep relationship is …
To become more conscious of yourself. To accept all aspects that you have – the good and the bad. To break the layer of negativity and nonsense and dive deep into the love that is within you.
And naturally when you do that you will accept the other as well. You will be an example of courage and openness, of wisdom and grace. And then the other, even if they are not so conscious of themselves they will slowly start growing because of the inspiration you are to them. Because they see in you something they want to be as well.
And like this a relationship can be a way to lift each other up and remind ourselves of the treasures we have and all that love we can share.