Conscious relationships – how to be an amazing partner?

Conscious relationships – how to be an amazing partner?

Relationships can be a very fulfilling experience. But also a relationship can be the biggest source of trouble and unhappiness.

It can bring you very high or it can bring you down.
The most important factor in a relationship in order to make it or break it is to a big extent the level of awareness.

When both partners are conscious and open to learn, to grow, to be vulnerable and gift each other the experience of joy and oneness it can be a deeply transformative experience.
But when the partners are not so conscious of themselves and project their dramas, childhood pains and unresolved inner conflicts … then it can be a big mess.

We all want that fairy tale relationship where they’ve lived happily ever after … and the blog postbirds are singing and the flowers blooming and life is a dream. But how often are our relationships like from a Disney scene?
And can it really work like this or is it just an utopian fantasy that we should let go of?

 

The truth is that in order to have a conscious and beautiful relationship you must first be a conscious partner yourself. If you are not, then you will find partners who will also not be so conscious and aware and you might end up making each other’s lives a real hell.

Your perfect relationship shouldn’t start when you meet your prince charming but much, much before that.

So how to be a conscious partner?

Let me tell you, becoming a conscious partner rarely happens over night. It is a dedication. And a dedication not to someone else, but first of all to your own self. You cannot be anyone’s perfect partner before you become your own dream mate.

Working on yourself and understanding yourself better is a process that never ends. Simply because you are so vast and wonderful that you can never get to the end of yourself. But in order to know that you should first crush the surface of the old and negative ideas you have of who you are.

You see, we all have that infinite pool of love inside of us but we often don’t see it because it is covered up with a little crust. And that crust is made of our old stories, old relationships, childhood memories, unresolved feelings, projections and dreams, negative conditionings and believes … and all sorts of nonsense basically.

In order to live a happy life and ultimately build a gorgeous relationship we need to crush relationship coachthat layer of … all that rubbish.
If we don’t, our relationships will always remain shallow and unfulfilling. We will not be able to experience that deep love in which everything disappears. We will more likely be going in a circle of old patterns and believes and we will be repeating them time and again … until … we give up on love.

So to be a conscious partner, that partner that everyone is dreaming of and desperately looking for … you need to first have a deeper look at yourself. Have a look at all that stops you from experiencing the love, the love that you have.

Love is not experienced only when there is someone to love you. A conscious partner knows the love that is within themselves and finds joy in sharing it with someone else.

A conscious partner is first in love with him/herself and then they can show their love to another.
If you are not madly in love with yourself and that deep inner infinite being you are … the chances are you will not be in love for long time with anyone else.

Often our so called being in love with someone is to the extent that they satisfy our fantasies about them. When they behave the way we want them we love them, but when they show another side we don’t really agree with, then that love turns into … frustration, criticism and maybe ultimately hate.

When you really love someone you don’t love them for as long as they behave the way you want. You love them unconditionally. But to love unconditionally you must really first discover and love yourself.

You see, often we try to close our eyes to the sides in us we don’t like. And like this we push them all in our unconscious. Then we accept only the sides we like … and the rest we try to forget, as if it never existed.
So, when we don’t accept ourself in our totality then we can’t really accept anyone else, can we?
And often the partner we find will show this side in us that we have tried to forget.

Let me tell it again. Often our partner will express in their behavior those sides of us that we have tried to mask, erase and completely throw away. But guess what? They are there.
And what happens is that when we see them in someone else we start to criticize and reject that person just the way we reject ourselves.
In this way it is really not easy to have a happy relationship. Because the problem is not in someone else but really in us.

Being a conscious partner means being aware of yourself and accepting every part of your being.
Knowing the mechanism of your mind, your feelings, your conditioning, desires and expectations.

It is about not projecting your unconscious on the other but being aware that you are the source of everything.  And when you are more aware and intelligent you naturally focus more on giving, sharing and inspiring not so much on exploiting, blaming and expecting.

It is very important to start looking within and start to understand yourself. The more you are aware of yourself the more you enjoy life and the more your inner light shines and illumines the lives of those around you.

Bringing a meditative quality to everything you do can be a great transformation for every aspect of your life.

So my best tip to you if you want that fulfilling, amazing, loving, joyful and deep relationship is …

To become more conscious of yourself. To accept all aspects that you have – the good and the bad. To break the layer of negativity and nonsense and dive deep into the love that is within you.
And naturally when you do that you will accept the other as well. You will be an example of courage and openness, of wisdom and grace. And then the other, even if they are not so conscious of themselves they will slowly start growing because of the inspiration you are to them. Because they see in you something they want to be as well.

And like this a relationship can be a way to lift each other up and remind ourselves of the treasures we have and all that love we can share.

What is Love?

What is Love?

What is LOVE?

Photo by Michal Jeck

It is the force that makes the grass grow, the sun shine, the flowers blossom, the hearts open and the soul sing with joy.
Love is the source and support of life, the energy that sustains us, the power that moves us and the light that inspires us.

How comes that for a while we can feel lost and desperate that it’s nowhere to be found?

We strive and seek achievements, glory, recognition, relationships, approval and respect for the sake of feeling loved but never seem to really get there to that final spot of rest and fulfillment.

Where is love, what is love, how to find it?

How comes that it is always here but we rarely see it?

The truth is that we become aware of love and feel it’s beauty and presence when our mind is quiet.
In fact love is the experience of the oneness and unity of life and it reveals itself in the silence of our hearts.

Why does love and joy emerge in the union of man and woman – because of the experience of oneness, spontaneity, harmony and inner silence.
When man and woman are in love they are fully present and empty of thoughts and that’s when love shines from within them – when the clutter of psychological nonsense is not there.

On the other side if you can’t let go of your mind and projections you can’t really taste the joy and magic of being together in that Oneness, silence and being.
And that’s why so many relationships don’t work and end up in conflict – because we are trained to hold on to nonsense thoughts, projections, ideas, expectations and ego identity.
And even so many people have never felt the real beauty and possibilities of being together because they can’t move deeper than the surface of their thoughts and always relate to each other from a mental state.

Love is actually our natural state – empty of thoughts, just being present and seeing from our true place of peace and unity.
And it is not limited to a relationship or person but it encompasses the whole of life.

What is to be done?
Contemplate on who and what you really are beyond the surface of your thoughts and maybe you’ll find out that all there is is love.

True communication doesn’t need words

True communication doesn’t need words

True communication doesn’t need words

If you know me better you might have noticed the way of communicating I enjoy.

I feel the truest way to appreciate the time and presence of someone is to spear them the long story of what you’ve done in the past, what happened then and there and what all your projections and ideas about yourself, life and the future are. Because honestly …

I don’t think anyone remembers or listens much and often you just miss the moment to appreciate the beauty of Being and the beauty of the other.

We have gone so much astray nowadays from having a truthful, deep, honest and quality communication and time together. Everybody is rushing to somewhere and their heads and minds are full with ideas, projects, thoughts and fears. We rarely find a peaceful moment by ourselves and what is worse we often pollute the environment of others too.

Instead of meeting in a space of presence, love, openness and care our interactions often remain on the very surface of life. And even it may happen that we don’t even hear or see the other because we are too busy with our thoughts and projections. At the most we burden them with our compulsive thoughts.

 

Is that the true communication and meeting?

 

The truth is that the true communication happens in silence, in presence, in being because it’s not so much what you say, it’s the presence that you carry.

People don’t remember your stories but the feeling of your being.

Surely sometimes some talks are relevant, especially when there are some practical or creative things to be discussed but in your truest and closest relationships the most beauitiful moments are the moments spent in silence because that’s the moments your being and your heart truly communicates and is fully open to the other.

Photos by JgraphedU, Jakob Urwanisch